From If to I Do

A comment made about being a single woman in your 40’s and still not finding the right one, has me curious.   Here was an example of someone looking, hopeful while optimistic, but never the less wondering when, where, how, and not why, but if.  If.  Two little letters are such a big word.  If can seem insurmountable while trying to find the answer.

Do we pin our hopes on the idea of what we think something should be, or are we expecting too much?  From a young age, our modeling behavior is based on unrealistic expectations.  Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, even Barbie had Ken.  What relationship could ever live up to the images burned in our little brains?  Adding to all that, we had our real world examples.

How did your parents interact with each other?  How about aunts, uncles, and grandparents?  If you are in your 40’s, even though you may not have come from today’s version of a dysfunctional family, doesn’t everyone have a branch in their family tree that doesn’t fork?  While your dinner table may have been the Brady Bunch, maybe your holiday table was the Addams Family.

Is it any wonder that a woman in her 40’s is still single?  I think it’s more a mystery how a woman in her 40’s isn’t.  We want the Barbie Dream House, the prince on white steed, to be a princess on our wedding day, have a live in maid who cooks for our 6 kids, the husband who works all day and comes home to dote on us, and still look like we woke from a 20 year sleep in a glass case more perfect than before we bit the apple.

If we don’t find someone who fits our ideals, is it them, or ultimately, is it us?

So what are the choices?  Settle for something rather than nothing?  Move from relationship to relationship, each time trying to mold a prospective partner into what our ideal is, and being disappointed when you can’t make it happen?  Date Mr. Right Now, while waiting for Mr. Right to step in front of us while waiting for our double latte?

There have been millions made and lost by people trying to tell us all we deserve to get what we want, how to find what we want, or how to change our ideals into more realistic goals.  Are we choosing the wrong man over and over, setting ourselves up for disappointment?

Very few actually find that love at first sight kind of love, another one of those stories we all bought into at a fragile, young age.  Do we place too high expectations on every meeting and encounter, looking for signs that aren’t there?  Are we all window shopping for husbands, instead of enjoying meeting someone new and just getting to know them?

If we all knew what we wanted, and if we all found what we wanted, and if all of it made us happy, at the end of the day, is it our fairy tale?