Average Relationship Myths, Debunked

A widely held theory in today’s society is that even smart people (those with keen business savvy & of mid to high level intelligence) make mistakes in relationships.  They even list the top 7 of them and give insightful ideas on how to make sure you (the poor average slob) don’t make them.

Well I have news for them, us average slobs have our own take on the 7 top mistakes.

Number one, splitting the housework 50/50 is a no-no.  Not only is it a no-no, it is living life in fantasy land to think you could ever get a 50/50 split.  Those of us in the “know”, know better.  You are lucky if your part doesn’t consist of taking out the trash once a month.  Grocery shopping?  If you would like your pantry stocked with nuts, beer, and cans of chili, go for it.  The only thing green they will buy is guacamole.

Number two, waiting until you are in the mood to have sex.  We know this.  If we waited until we were in the mood to do it, the after 30 market for contraceptives would die a quick and painless death.  Who is in the mood after doing 90% of the housework?

Number three, assuming a rough patch is the end of the world.  Rough patches are routine, it’s the special amazing days that would signal the end of the world for most.  Two consecutive days of smooth are the sign of impending Armageddon.  If it gets up to three we are calling the doctor’s office to see if their latest angiogram showed they only had days to live.

Number four, staying up to resolve an argument, even if it takes all night.  They may be smart, but us average folks know, if it gets that late and the point isn’t made, what it means to us is we get the whole bed that night.  Why lose sleep over something that will just get re-argued in a few days, when you could have 8 hours of blissful slumber and not wake up to trumpet calls under the sheet.

Number five, trying to mind read – or expecting your partner to do so.  We gave up on that fantasy when we learned that their idea of a bad day was shooting par on the golf course and reliving every shot in their head for the next eight hours.  They stare vacantly into space during dinner a few times, and we don’t need a house to fall on our heads anymore.  It’s either sex or sports, period.  The earlier in life you learn this lesson, the less gray hairs you will get before 40.

Number six, putting off kind gestures.  This is an anomaly.  The kindest gesture we know of is space.  Not the stratosphere kind, although there are days we wish it to be that expansive, but the separate parts of the house kind.  We have gotten past cute notes stuck to the refrigerator door, flowers for no reason and the garbage going to the curb on its own.   Sometimes the best gesture is none at all.

Number seven, underestimating the power of small changes.  Picture 2 am, stumbling to the bathroom, reaching out to put the seat down, and it already is.  Going to gather the laundry and finding all the dirty socks already in the hamper.  Going to the freezer to take some ice and finding the trays full.  These are a few of my favorite thing.

Next time someone wants to write an article about real relationships, all they need to do is ask someone average.  They will be surprised to learn they can learn a lot.

From If to I Do

A comment made about being a single woman in your 40’s and still not finding the right one, has me curious.   Here was an example of someone looking, hopeful while optimistic, but never the less wondering when, where, how, and not why, but if.  If.  Two little letters are such a big word.  If can seem insurmountable while trying to find the answer.

Do we pin our hopes on the idea of what we think something should be, or are we expecting too much?  From a young age, our modeling behavior is based on unrealistic expectations.  Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, even Barbie had Ken.  What relationship could ever live up to the images burned in our little brains?  Adding to all that, we had our real world examples.

How did your parents interact with each other?  How about aunts, uncles, and grandparents?  If you are in your 40’s, even though you may not have come from today’s version of a dysfunctional family, doesn’t everyone have a branch in their family tree that doesn’t fork?  While your dinner table may have been the Brady Bunch, maybe your holiday table was the Addams Family.

Is it any wonder that a woman in her 40’s is still single?  I think it’s more a mystery how a woman in her 40’s isn’t.  We want the Barbie Dream House, the prince on white steed, to be a princess on our wedding day, have a live in maid who cooks for our 6 kids, the husband who works all day and comes home to dote on us, and still look like we woke from a 20 year sleep in a glass case more perfect than before we bit the apple.

If we don’t find someone who fits our ideals, is it them, or ultimately, is it us?

So what are the choices?  Settle for something rather than nothing?  Move from relationship to relationship, each time trying to mold a prospective partner into what our ideal is, and being disappointed when you can’t make it happen?  Date Mr. Right Now, while waiting for Mr. Right to step in front of us while waiting for our double latte?

There have been millions made and lost by people trying to tell us all we deserve to get what we want, how to find what we want, or how to change our ideals into more realistic goals.  Are we choosing the wrong man over and over, setting ourselves up for disappointment?

Very few actually find that love at first sight kind of love, another one of those stories we all bought into at a fragile, young age.  Do we place too high expectations on every meeting and encounter, looking for signs that aren’t there?  Are we all window shopping for husbands, instead of enjoying meeting someone new and just getting to know them?

If we all knew what we wanted, and if we all found what we wanted, and if all of it made us happy, at the end of the day, is it our fairy tale?