Average Relationship Myths, Debunked

A widely held theory in today’s society is that even smart people (those with keen business savvy & of mid to high level intelligence) make mistakes in relationships.  They even list the top 7 of them and give insightful ideas on how to make sure you (the poor average slob) don’t make them.

Well I have news for them, us average slobs have our own take on the 7 top mistakes.

Number one, splitting the housework 50/50 is a no-no.  Not only is it a no-no, it is living life in fantasy land to think you could ever get a 50/50 split.  Those of us in the “know”, know better.  You are lucky if your part doesn’t consist of taking out the trash once a month.  Grocery shopping?  If you would like your pantry stocked with nuts, beer, and cans of chili, go for it.  The only thing green they will buy is guacamole.

Number two, waiting until you are in the mood to have sex.  We know this.  If we waited until we were in the mood to do it, the after 30 market for contraceptives would die a quick and painless death.  Who is in the mood after doing 90% of the housework?

Number three, assuming a rough patch is the end of the world.  Rough patches are routine, it’s the special amazing days that would signal the end of the world for most.  Two consecutive days of smooth are the sign of impending Armageddon.  If it gets up to three we are calling the doctor’s office to see if their latest angiogram showed they only had days to live.

Number four, staying up to resolve an argument, even if it takes all night.  They may be smart, but us average folks know, if it gets that late and the point isn’t made, what it means to us is we get the whole bed that night.  Why lose sleep over something that will just get re-argued in a few days, when you could have 8 hours of blissful slumber and not wake up to trumpet calls under the sheet.

Number five, trying to mind read – or expecting your partner to do so.  We gave up on that fantasy when we learned that their idea of a bad day was shooting par on the golf course and reliving every shot in their head for the next eight hours.  They stare vacantly into space during dinner a few times, and we don’t need a house to fall on our heads anymore.  It’s either sex or sports, period.  The earlier in life you learn this lesson, the less gray hairs you will get before 40.

Number six, putting off kind gestures.  This is an anomaly.  The kindest gesture we know of is space.  Not the stratosphere kind, although there are days we wish it to be that expansive, but the separate parts of the house kind.  We have gotten past cute notes stuck to the refrigerator door, flowers for no reason and the garbage going to the curb on its own.   Sometimes the best gesture is none at all.

Number seven, underestimating the power of small changes.  Picture 2 am, stumbling to the bathroom, reaching out to put the seat down, and it already is.  Going to gather the laundry and finding all the dirty socks already in the hamper.  Going to the freezer to take some ice and finding the trays full.  These are a few of my favorite thing.

Next time someone wants to write an article about real relationships, all they need to do is ask someone average.  They will be surprised to learn they can learn a lot.